It’s been about six months since I last wrote here … half a year! In that time, I traveled to sacred sites in India, said a permanent good-bye to my 93 year old father, watched my youngest son graduate from high school, and raised a two month old kitten to about six months old now! Her name is India, Indie for short.
Tonight, as my youngest son and I wove in and out of the switchbacks on our way down a hill he has hiked since he was three.. I felt my heart expand. It was the kind of expansion that feels so touching, you almost skip a beat, hold your breath and then forget what the words were that sent you into that orbit in the first place!
I think I had reflected back to him how in tune he is. And that as a male that is a rare thing in this world. I tried to support this big declaration with examples… many men out there don’t know how to hold space for an emotional woman, to just listen and not try and fix it. That, in the business world most men are concerned with the bottom line, the numbers or achievements, missing out on everything along the way or what could help in the process of getting there. And then, I looked back at him, “… besides, when you’re in tune with your senses, isn’t life just more enjoyable?” Yes, he agreed.
That’s when he sent me the love bomb, “Thanks to you!” he said.
I’ve worked hard to be at this point. The single mom that I have been for so long - longer than the thirteen years I was with his father! And while, I want to exclaim, “Finally!” I’m at the point where I can heave a big sigh of relief and I can get on with my own goals in life without splitting these goals between parenting three sons full time, and what I really truly want - just for me - full time.
It’s an interesting mix of emotions, too. There’s anticipation and excitement. There’s a little fear of the unknown. There’s some overwhelm with the possibilities. But most of all, there’s my favorite feeling of all … freedom!
And as for my youngest son, in tune with his heart, living from his heart … this is definitely an achievement and impact I have contributed to the world. To raise a young man that has feminine qualities he values - right alongside the masculine qualities of, protector, confidence without arrogance, leadership, and assertiveness. As he learns to venture out into the world, whole, I too, will spread my wings and fly.